Why Some Men Date Down and Others Withdraw
- Cheron K. Griffin
- Oct 29
- 3 min read
Ladies, let me tell you something — silence is never just silence when it comes to men. It’s communication in its rawest, most guarded form.
Today, I noticed one of my male team members had gone quiet. And I mean quiet quiet. This man is usually on top of his game, checking emails, and responding before I even wake. But lately, his energy shifted. He was in the room but not in the room — you know what I mean? Normally, he beats me at everything, but not the last few days.
Now, me being who I am — The Marriage Code Cracker — I don’t ignore a man’s silence. I study it. I feel it. I know when something’s brewing beneath the surface. Because silence in a man is never random. It’s either power, pressure, or pain. He was experiencing pain.
And it got me thinking about something I was already planning to write — why some men purposely date down.
Lets Talk About “Dating Down”
See, some men don’t date down because they can’t “get” a high-value woman — they date down because they can’t handle her, but will try to control her, belittle her, and will try his best to strip her of her self worth.
When a woman knows who she is, what she carries, and how to move with feminine grace and purpose, that’s intimidating to a man who hasn’t met himself yet. He’s drawn to her light but afraid of his own shadow. So instead of rising to the occasion, he lowers the standard. He dates a woman who doesn’t threaten his ego — maybe she’s less ambitious, less confident, or not what society calls “desirable” — because she doesn’t challenge his masculinity… or so he thinks.
He finds comfort in someone who won’t challenge his growth — someone who makes him feel strong without requiring him to be strong. That’s not love; that’s survival and control.
The Quiet Connection
That same silence I saw in my team member? It’s the same silence men sit in when they’re battling within. Sometimes they’re not trying to hurt anyone — they’re just trying to figure out who they are when no one’s clapping for them. They are trying to figure out why the weight of the world is on their shoulders.
But here’s the twist — that silence can be a healing space or a hiding place. It depends on whether he’s ready to face himself or keep avoiding his truth. My team member was hiding and I could feel his energy from Nigeria to America. I did't rebuke him, but I asked him, "Are you okay?" Because I could feel his energy, my eye swelled with tears. His pain became my pain.
I suggested that he take some time to rest and consult with the creator and listen for that inner voice. Sometimes, we have to save ourselves when we are drowning. We must first put on our own oxygen mask when the plane his going down. We must tap into the God within for the answer that's already there. We must whether the storm. Men, it's okay to cry or even dance in the rain.
s, Pay Attention
Ladies, don’t rush to fill the quiet. Don’t talk yourself into being the therapist, the cheerleader, or the savior. Just observe. His silence is telling you what his words won’t.
And if you ever find yourself dealing with a man who’s too comfortable dating down, remember this: his choices have nothing to do with your value — they’re a reflection of his comfort level with growth.
Let him keep his comfort zone. You? Stay in your queen zone.
If this post hit home for you, I’d love for you to stay connected. Join my community of powerful men and women who are healing, evolving, and loving smarter.
-Cheron K. Griffin aka Madame Butterfly
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